Mandala Enterprises

Relationship Coaching

Making safer sex rules that are intended to manage jealousy
Blaming (either your partner, or yourself for feeling jealous)
Passive-aggressive communications; emails, phone calls, messages, 3^rd party, etc.

· Comparing yourself with the other partner (or comparing your two partners negatively)

· Taking on the other person’s feelings

Lots of expression of anger where the other person is cast as “bad”
Telling people the truth in a way you know they can’t handle
Withholding/hiding feelings of upset (time for de-escalating is not equivalent to withholding)
Believing it has to be solved RIGHT NOW
Dumping unprocessed stuff on others
Invalidating or discounting or being judgmental about the other person’s reactions
Triangulation, especially in poly groupings (though it is ok to get support and empathy from your partner/s)
Saying to oneself “I will evolve and I will not be jealous”—i.e., gritting your teeth with no other tools or believing jealous partner is the “bad guy” because they aren’t “enlightened”
Letting your inner child run the show
Seeing the other as an adversary (it is admittedly very hard not to go there if the Other Significant Other (OSO) is not friendly)
Verbal violence/ultimatums (e.g., “If you REALLY loved me you wouldn’t WANT to…)
Breaking agreements, especially out of retaliation
Hiding
Refusing to negotiate
Rigidity (clarity, however, is good)
Lack of agreements/boundaries, or very unclear ones
Making assumptions and projection of fears and insecurities onto other
“Green stamping” (saving up grievances and dumping them all at once)