[NOTE:
Final Version of this Ritual has been lost. This is a not-quite complete
version, showing notes in progress. Some
sections ended up being done free-form and extemporaneously.]
Priest & Priestess: Akien MacIain and Dawn Davidson
Witnesses: Glenn Meader, Zoe Horner, David Orneallas, (others?)
Props: Altar, with 3 vases, 2 with long, stiff-stemmed flowers, and center one partly filled with water only. “Friendliness” Tarot card. Treasure Chest (empty); bowl or bowls of chocolate/bubble gum “coins”.
Picture of Joey. Any other meaningful items (e.g., other
pictures, bear with strap on…?). F&B
each have a sling around their neck (out of a scarf?), filled with the rocks
that they will be getting rid of. Other
ritual items (broom? Athame? Cup
with water/juice?)
[This still needs to be written….]
Props: Rocks from the yard, representing the burdens from the past relationship that F&B will be letting go of. F&B enter the circle carrying their burden of rocks (in a sling around their necks), and as each one is spoken, the rock is removed, and placed OUTSIDE of the circle. When they get to the section of BOTH, they will alternate who places each rock.
· _______________ reads about “Letting Go” (FG has this reading and will supply details)
· _______________ says: “We stand in the season of change and re-birth, a time of new growth. But before it is possible for things to grow anew, we must clear away the detritus from the old season, to make room for the new by letting go of the old. Brian and Francesca enter this circle carrying the burden of the negative behaviors and patterns that have held sway in their relationship over the past couple of years especially. Each of these burdens is represented by a rock or a stone from the yard. Taken together, they represent a heavy burden around the neck of each of them individually, and on the relationship as a whole. One by one, each will speak these things that they intend to let go of, and place a rock outside of the circle, to show that these things are no longer in the circle of their lives and relationship.”
· BRIAN
· Blaming the Other (esp. Francesca)
· That FG doesn’t matter
· That FG embodies family of origin
· Feeling responsible for FG’s house
· Anger as a means to create safety and distance
· FRANCESCA
· Blame
· Criticism (especially of Brian)
· Anger/fear about Brian’s actions/withholds
· Negative and ineffective ways of caring for self
· “Life or death” on every issue
· Feeling small or little
· Powerlessness in the face of how much Brian matters
· Flaming e-mails
· Breaking agreements and anger as ways of creating safety
· BOTH
· Struggle as a path to passion/vitality
· Requests that are actually covert demands
· Passive/aggressive behavior
· Being trapped by roles (especially familial ones)
· “First Consideration”
· Fear of intimacy
· The Shared Business
· Toxicity of this relationship to the Community
· Busyness as a means to distance/create safety
Props: Treasure Chest and chocolate or bubblegum coins. A coin is placed in the box for each item that they are choosing to keep in the relationship.
·
Dawn says: “One of the first songs I ever
learned as a child in the Girl Scouts, was about the importance of Keeping those
things that are already of value in your life—(sings): Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.” In
their current relationship, there are things that Brian and Francesca value,
things they wish to keep. These are the
things that they consider to be the Gold in the treasure chest of their lives
and relationship:”
·
FRANCESCA
·
Glenn
·
Girlfriends
·
Poly
·
Brian as an available handyman resource
·
Being important to Brian
· BRIAN
· Zoe
· Successful Handyman business
· Sleeping arrangements (FG goes to Glenn after sex w/Brian)
· BOTH
· Good Sex!
· Love between each other
· Community
· Teaching together
· Making Love beautifully
· Healing (esp. the past wounds of the self)
· Dawn and Akien as friends
Props: Three vases of water are on the altar, two filled with flowers (tulilps), and the center (larger one) is partly filled with water only. Each flower represents something that used to be present in the relationship, but that has been lacking for sometime, and that F&B wish to bring back again. As each phrase/thing is spoken, they take a flower from one of the two separate vases, and place it in the larger center vase, which represents the larger container of their renewed relationship.
· ______________ says: “At one time, F&G had a beautiful, healthy relationship, with each aspect contributing its uniqueness to the full bouquet. Over time, many of these qualities have become dormant, sleeping through the winter of their pain and struggle. Now, at this time of Equinox, of Spring, of growth and renewal, they wish to honor those things that were once present, and choose to allow them new growth and vitality in their new relationship.”
· Dawn and Akien read, alternating lines (and alternating “him” and “her” in the reading), “Friendship” from Gibran, p. 66.
· FRANCESCA
· Adventuring—ALONE!
· Ability to respond from a mature, adult perspective
· BRIAN
· Autonomy in outside relationships
· Freedom to be sexual in my own way
· BOTH
· Partnership
· Interdependence and collaboration without controlling
· A person who is signed on to help you have the life of your dreams
· Sweet familial relationship with Dylan
· Being comfy and cozy with each other
· Companionship
· Joy
· Trust
· Assuming that the other’s intentions are good
· Being present to the best/light/good in the other
· Relationship as a positive force in the community
Props: On the altar
where both Brian and Francesca can stand in front of it (preferably also facing
the community), vanity mirror with tea lights around the outside. As each thing is spoken, another tea light is
lit from the central Deity candle.
· ________________ says: “[something about the foundation of the relationship being in the strength and honoring of self]
· _______________ reads from Osha-Zen Tarot Deck—“Friendliness” Card
· Francesca Reads “The Vow”
· Brian speaks his own vow with regard to self especially
· ___________________ says: “ [about the all new things coming from the source of Spirit. About each being a light in the world.]
· BRIAN
o Musical Self-Expression
o Francesca as a “Fundamental Consideration”
· FRANCESCA
o Fun Physical Activity
o Self-soothing
o Boundaries
o Brian as a “Main Partner”
· BOTH
o Flow, flexibility and the ability to celebrate what is
o Loving No’s and Yeses
o Fun!
o Non-sexual play
o Shared vision
o A Working Hot Tub
o Shared Projects
o Openness to outside assistance with regard to parenting, esp. Dylan
o Comfortableness with the relationship
o Ever better lovemaking
o Speaking the whole truth in a loving way
o Putting effort into growing trust with and between each other
o Growing the shared teaching
o Giving back to the community (e.g., working on Dawn and Akien’s projects)
·
(at this
point, F&B give each member of the community one of the coins, a flower
from the central vase, and a sip of the
water/juice)
· Community Reads (each takes a line until we get to the end, where all read together) “Trees” from the Prophet (p. 19)
Home Again (by MFG):
Brian and FG read:
I have the answers
for me
here (point to heart)
inside
Behind doors
waiting to be opened
behind windows
waiting to let
the light in
Within rooms
with soft distant music
waiting to be found
waiting
to be listened to
I have a house
a home
it's pretty
a little dusty
often forgotten
Filled with sad
lonely ones
waiting for a party
waiting to be introduced
with pride
into society
I have kept
leaving my home
trying to find
something better
somewhere else
I think I like it
here (point to one's own heart)
It feels comfy
lovely really
safe
Won't you
come for a visit
perhaps
move next door
we could
throw garden parties
and build bridges
between us
It would feel cozy
to see your lights
shining
in the dark
and hear
laughter float
through your windows
We could take turns
visiting
and exploring
and entertaining
and
we could always
go home
to rest
· Divide up the To Do’s!
·
Copy the reading on Trees from The Prophet
(starts on p. 19)—
· Copy the reading on Friendship from The Prophet (starts on p. 66)—1 copy
· Buy chocolate or bubblegum coins (need at least 15)
· Write “Let Go’s” on rocks (need 23 rocks)
· Buy/Create the Vanity Mirror—need at least 19 bulbs for best effect
· Call Home Depot
·
Call Urban
· If not easily gotten, consider a string of screw-in outdoor lights, or (last-ditch) a bunch of candles
· Buy flowers—must have tall, stiff stems, preferably be “perennials” (such as roses), that go dormant each year and then come back. Need at least 13 flowers.
· Obtain 3 vases, 2 smaller and one larger
· Write “Bring-backs” on slips of paper and staple them (that day) to the flowers
· Finish the opening and closing of the ceremony
· Gather the other ritual objects
· Create the physical ritual space (cleaning up, straightening, etc)
· Set up the altar that day (tarot card, pictures, etc.)
· Move the futon to the living room (to create a “guest room” and for the best sleeping arrangements)
NOTE: All the Let-Go’s, Bring-Backs, etc. CAN be done without writing directly on the object, if there really isn’t time to do it. All we really need is the list, and then to read each one out loud as the action is done. But it would be better to do it the other way, because then it’s random which order they appear in.